It’s a beautiful day here in the mountains. Not a cloud in the sky and the birds are chirping. Well I can’t hear them, but I assume so; it’s a bird-chirping kind of day.
I awoke at 7:00am feeling energized and happy when a crazy thought jumped into my brain. What if I went to the grocery store before work. I’d been meaning to get that errand done for the past…um…week? So yeah, it was about time. 7:15 on a Thursday sounds like the perfect choice for a shopping trip. After a Starbucks stop, I buzzed over to King Soopers. I had 30 minutes to shop, scan and pay. That’s it, because as I realized on the way there, I was going to be the one to put all these groceries away when I got back. Ugh.
The shopping part was easy and satisfying. I budgeted $71 for everything so that I wouldn’t overdraft my account. And even though Ryan claims he couldn’t tell if I bought anything besides chips, I bought a lot! Chocolate flavored coffee, tons of fresh produce, a pizza and, because I’m the best fiancé ever, a pot roast. I’m scared of that pot roast. We’ll see…
After a refreshing shopping experience, it was time to check out and get out. However, since it’s 7am and hardly anyone comes to the store at this hour, the only lane open was an express lane. I did not have 15 items or less. Of course, the self-check lanes were all open. So I had to stop and ask myself: Would you rather be the jerk who takes 50 items through the express lane or the jerk who takes forever in the self-check? And I answered myself, Bitch, please, you can scan all your groceries through the self-check in less time than this teenager can ring up 3 people!
Ain’t she a beauty?
One last glance at my cart, one last glance at my newly returned and ready-for-action left hand and I started scanning- like no one had ever scanned before. Beep, beep, beep—Please place item in the bagging area. Ugh. So apparently the computer doesn’t know how many groceries I have. I am going to have to leave all of them in the “bagging area.” A welcomed challenge becomes a new opportunity. Since I am the one ringing up and bagging, I can custom design each bag to achieve its full potential. No more wasted space. Take that, environment!
With most items done and bagged, the rules change. Produce. I bought a lot of produce. These bits of greenery require a code. A PLU code. A set of numbers I memorized long ago when I was 16 and working at Marsh (grocery store). Deep breath. You can do this, you have the knowledge. Cucumbers 4062, Avocado 4225, Shallots 4662 (holy crap, I remembered shallots!), Broccoli Crowns 4548, and last but certainly not least, Pear…Wait, what kind of pear is this? Sticker, thank goodness! Pear 4416.
70 dollars – both under budget and over capacity for a typical self-check order. I ended up with 9 bags all piled into my cart. The whole process took less than 3 minutes and I didn’t have to call over the attendee one time. Success.
I took my receipt and turned around fully expecting a crowd to have gathered. No one was there. No one even looked my way. So, I solemnly pushed my cart past the self-check attendee who only said, “Have a good day.” I already ‘had a good day’ and it wouldn’t kill you to congratulate me on how awesome that was. AKA, “Thanks, you too.”
Once back in my car, I promised myself that this success would not live in vain. I would spread the word of my victory. Then and there I decided, I was going to brag about it alllll daaaay loooong.